Most of us grow up being told that when we make a mistake (fail the test, get fired, miss the goal) it’s our fault. We should have been more careful. And we should be more careful next time.

Many of us grow up being told that when we “win” (ace the test, get a promotion, score the winning goal) we were lucky. We should be grateful for what we got. And don’t get too comfortable because it may not happen again.

These messages put us on the horns of a dilemma. Bad things are our fault, while good things are pure luck.

In psychological terms, our locus of control is in conflict. We have an internal locus of control for mistakes (bad things are our fault). But we have an external locus of control for winning (good things are pure luck).

To get off the horns of this dilemma, pick one or the other. Either everything (good and bad) is our fault. Or nothing (good and bad) is our fault.

It’s easy to accept our mistakes when they are our fault. We can control whether we make the same mistake again. We just need to learn to review what we did so we don’t do it again.

Where we need to concentrate is on our successes. When we close the big deal we need to learn it is our fault. We did a great job. We should review what we did so we can do it again.

This way we will keep our locus of control where it needs to be — internal. We will know that everything we do (good and bad) is our “fault.”

Do you agree or disagree with what I’m saying?

Please post your comments and opinions on this subject.

Thanks,
Larry

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